Chew on this

I have achieved a new level of sophistication.

I had to attend a work meeting today in a little town I had never visited before. As my coworker was giving me directions, she said, "and then you will go past the World's 2^nd Largest Beef Jerky Store …".

I am not kidding you. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Your inheritance, the bathroom counter

Any professional design person goes into a project like this with every detail finalized. We pretty much wing it, from start to finish. The bathroom renovation started with this sink from Kohler, which I fell in love with. This sink became the basic design inspiration for the room: square and straight lines. It totally worked. The wainscoting carried the straight lines theme. I adored this washboard colored paint and knew I would not be brave enough to use it elsewhere, so it found its home in this room.

The bathroom mirror was one I found at Target. Look in the section with decorative mirrors, they are always so much more fun than the ones in the bathroom section. After I bought the mirror, I randomly found the matching hardware at Lowe's. Fate, no? I took a close up picture of the details as proof that under dire decorating circumstances, I can indeed pay attention to the details.

The bathroom is complete, but not without two major catastrophes along the way. First, was the faucet. It was outrageously difficult to find a square faucet whose price did not rival a Caribbean vacation. It took weeks of searching and I eventually found the faucet I wanted. For $550 I could choose between this faucet, and buying groceries for the rest of the month. I was going to sign-up for that guaranteed weight loss plan, but Craig could not be coerced, cajoled, or bribed. Thank ebay, because I got it for 1/3 of the price. Thrifty, aren't I?

The other major drama concerned the Corian that I picked out for the counter. Craig brought the Corian samples home from work and told me to pick out what I liked. He said that the Corian would be about $150 a sheet and we would only need one. I wanted something that tied into our gray and white theme, yet offered a little color. I am daring like that. After excruciating debate, I picked the PERFECT color and we special ordered it. Three weeks later, the bill came for the Corian and it was $595. This here is called a failure to communicate. Upon further investigation, it appears that my-heightened-sense-of-design-self picked the most expensive Corian they carried. Of course I did. I can see some of you who know me well nodding your heads vigorously right now. Out of a box of 200 choices, I picked the winning one. I so should have bought a lottery ticket that day. It is the most expensive three-square-feet in our home.

Good news for me, I love it. Bad news for whoever buys this house from us, I am totally taking that damn countertop with me and selling it on the Corian blackmarket.

Attack of the gold filigree

I finally had time to find some of our house pictures pre-renovation. This is the "before" picture of our downstairs half bath. I apologize if the screen on your computer spontaneously combusts in protest of subjecting your eyes to such bad taste. I feel like I should be in the picture, sitting on the toilet in a floral housecoat. My hair would be in sponge rollers, eyes doused in blue shadow, with a Pall Mall dangling out of my mouth.

The picture does not do this gem justice. The two hanging pineapple globe lights are clearly not visible here. You also cannot see the atrocious vinyl flooring emblazened with gold swirls. Then there is that wallpaper with the fake marble print, simply glorious. I know, I can see you scratching your head wondering why we couldn't leave good enough alone.

Would you like to see what it looks like now? I think that you really need to let this picture sink in for today. If I lived with it for years, you can live with it for a day. It will be tough, I know.

Me Myself and I

I have received a couple of emails from people wondering if I would mind if they forwarded my blog on to other people. Of course I don’t mind, the more the merrier. That is assuming you know anyone who would be remotely interested in hearing anything I have to say.

I do have to offer the following disclaimers:

I am no Pioneer Woman. I barely have time to cook for myself, not to mention document it and share it with all of you. Now, if I come across something fabulous and easy, or that makes itself and presents itself on the dinner table before you arrive home, of course I will share.

I am no Nester. I am inept with a glue gun, fabric, and at making gorgeous arrangements to beautify your home. If I ever attempt something of the sort, I will certainly share it with you so you can join in the laughing, snorting, and mockery.

I am no Crafty Crow. Do not come here if you would like to find creative, fun things to make with your toddler. On rare occasion, I do borrow ideas like these so that I can appear to be one of those cutesy moms who has it all together, but I borrow and I do so on rare occasion.

I am no Dooce. My life is not nearly as exciting to read about. Period.

I am no Melissa. I did not inform America on the Today Show that I believe it is okay to have a glass of wine during play dates. Although, I tend to like the way she thinks.

What I can offer you is the world as I see it, through the eyes of a married, working, mother who has the best intentions, but often misses the mark. I try to find the humor in every situation, even the trying ones. I have found that parenthood is much more rewarding than I would have ever imagined, but infinitely harder as well. I do not think we talk about that often enough and hope that I am able to continue to be frank about those challenges and reassure others out there that even people who appear to have it together really probably don’t. Incidentally, if you think this is going to be all about Kate, or motherhood, you probably don’t know me that well yet. I am a wealth of useless information. I do love to shop though and will frequently share wonderful things that I think you just need to have, or need to buy and send to me.

In closing, I would also like to point out that you are welcome to leave comments on my entries. See, right at the bottom of each post? Yes, there. Just click 'comments' and you can easily share your thoughts or feedback. I like comments. They make me feel a little less like I am talking to myself. I get enough of that the 23 hours I day I don’t spend writing on my blog.

Shaken not stirred

Last fall, Craig's brother and his wife came to visit us from Boise. We do not see them nearly often enough, so we always make the most of it when we do. After a few nights of keeping red wine distributors busy restocking shelves, we decided to mix it up and try something different. After perusing the internet, we found the perfect pomegranate martini. It was love at first sip. Tonight, this was my dessert.

In a shaker, combine: ice, a splash of Triple Sec, a generous amount of Absolut vodka, and some pomegranate juice. It isn’t an exact science, but I trust you are smart enough to figure it out. Shake vigorously, pour, drink, and repeat. Pomegranates have outrageous health benefits, so this could be classified in a food group somewhere.

To sum up our weekend prior to Martini Monday, I am so ready for work tomorrow. It was that joyous of a weekend. What was the best part? I’m having a hard time deciding: sick kid, the massive amount of snot I encountered, no sleep, not stepping into the sunshine for 36 hours, company, or company while having a sick kid. The most horrifying part is that I am certain they left convinced that our parenting skills were in dire need of some attention. When Kate is sick, logic, rules, and common sense go out the window. I think at one point I promised to build her a princess castle skyscraper in the back yard with my own bare hands if she stopped screaming. Craig easily fixed 15 different things for lunch in an attempt to get her to eat something. Then she ate a pudding pop. I am not kidding you. I think if they would have stayed one more day they would have had Super Nanny on speed dial.