Saturday, July 18, 2009

Am I on candid camera?

Kate’s been protesting naps like she has been hired by some toddler lobbyist to be their spokesperson. This is not boding well for me, as I happen to enjoy the quiet and productive moments that are only afforded to me during nap time. I also think she’s been secretly viewing the DVD series on how to argue with anything that her mother says, the advanced version. If I told Kate that Dora the Explorer was hiding out in our basement with Boots and they had smuggled in a case of elicit Fruit Roll Ups, Ice Cream, and Tootsie Pops and I would like nothing more than for her to go down there and play for hours past her bedtime, she would contemptuously glare at me and say, “I am NEVER going to want to do that.”

So this unique combination of events has made coercion at nap time near impossible. As such, I’ve resorted to tactics that my pre-child self most assuredly would have protested against ever using on her child. It was so much easier to be a smart and judgemental parent when I didn’t have children. I digress; but yes, I moved on to threats and bribes about things she would forgo if she didn’t nap. I think that worked for a day. Immediately Kate would start to respond with comments like, “I don’t want to go to the park anyway.” It hasn’t been working so well since she caught on to my approach, so I stopped with the ultimatums. While I haven't figured out a new approach, that hasn't kept her from working to stay one step ahead.

“Kate, you need to nap.”
“I don’t want to nap.”
“I’m sorry, but you need to take a nap.”
“No, I’m NEVER going to take a nap. And I don’t want to do ANYTHING either. I just want to stay at home forever and NEVER leave.”
“Umm, okay.”
“And I’m going to stay home and I’m just going to do not-fun things!”
“Oh, really? What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Run into walls or something.”

Dude, I’m absolutely stupefied… and horrified … and a little dizzy considering how unqualified I am for this job.

10 comments:

feefifoto said...

Have you tried implementing "quiet time," when she's confined to her room for an hour? Sometimes they fall asleep anyway, but at least you get an hour (or more, if you're willing to lie to a child who can't tell time).

Call Me Cate said...

Her ability to think outside the box is quite impressive. Which would be more a comfort to you if she was using the powers for good instead of evil.

CatLadyLarew said...

I don't know... running into walls could be kinda fun... maybe.

Mandy said...

Okay, you cannot share any more stories like this! I feel like I'm looking into a crystal ball at a future conversation with my daughter, who is three months shy of two years old. Gosh, my little one is already a serious DIVA, headstrong and fierce. I can only imagine her when she gets to be Kate's age. You must figure out how to deal with a headstrong little girl and share your wisdom with me. In the mean time, you may to have some chocolate and a cocktail. (and really, banging the head against the wall a few times never seriously hurt anyone, has it?) :-) Hugs to you!

dddiva said...

Haha she sound exactly like Ian. That boy fights sleep with everything he has.
If you figure out what works, let me know please.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Oh how I feel your pain! Princess Nagger is the exact same way. And I still haven't figured out the magic. So if you do, please clue me in, mmmkay? ;)

Claire said...

Oh yes, the quiet time! I implemented that when she gave up naps soon after she turned 3. Laura was on to me about the time and demanded I put the kitchen timer outside her bedroom door so she could be alerted immediately when her 15 minutes was up. I became very adept at sneaking up oh so quietly and moving the timer forward 20 minutes...or 59 minutes. Whichever!

Suzy said...

I might be Kate's long lost sister.

C. Beth said...

Oh...my.

Kay said...

Don't worry, we're all equally unqualified for the job. And just when you think you've mastered any aspect of it... they move on to the next stage, and you're starting from scratch :)
My teenager still uses the "fine, I didn't want to _____ anyway" line on me all the time. I laugh at him now and tell him he's a really shitty liar. Usually good for a smirk and a little tension release :)