Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Breaking up is hard to do

Dear Target,

Although I knew this moment was coming, I’ve been coasting along in denial, secretly hoping that ignoring it would mean it would never come. I am deeply apologetic that I am unable to share this news in person, but I am not sure that I have the emotional strength to do so. It comes down to just a few short words: I am breaking up with you.

I know how difficult this must be to read. You’ve been there for me, a reliable trusted friend for more than a decade. I mean, how many apartments and homes have you helped me furnish and decorate? It was you that I turned to as my wedding day approached, knowing you could be trusted to provide me with all of the necessities for moving into grown up life. While we could argue that I have not quite grown-up, that wasn’t because you didn’t help me prepare. Oh Target, you were even there when I became a parent. You were faithfully there right at the beginning; I think you even provided the pregnancy test. Our connection didn’t end with that though, you provided maternity clothes, baby clothes, sweet little blankets, and even lamp shades for her perfect little room. You and I, we were a match made in heaven.

Somewhere along this journey you changed. It was subtle and it took me some time to catch on, I think it was camouflaged by my denial. Instead of being an “errand”, your charm and good deals elevated you into a “destination.” I wasn’t aware of the shift, which I attribute to your nuances and the sneaky way you started to manipulate my life. Instead of saying things like, “I must run to Target to buy some shampoo”, I started casually saying things like “I think I am going to go to Target on my lunch hour.” That pretty much resulted in me walking around finding things on your shiny shelves that were just begging me to take them home.

I know you probably have excuses for that behavior and I wish I could say that it was the only obstacles standing between you and me, but it isn’t. I have become aware of the technique you use to siphon money out of my wallet. I lovingly call this the Target Multiplier. My Target Multiplier averages about a 3, which means I leave your darling establishment with approximately three times the number of items on my list and/or having spent three times the amount of money I intended to. It’s evil Target and I just don’t have room for evil tactics in my life.

I’ve relied on you to provide cute, quality clothing for my daughter for three years now. You are no Janie and Jack, no Gymboree, no Hanna Andersson, which means I can easily justify the $14.99 that a darling little outfit for Kate will cost me. That is reasonable for outfits 1-9, but starts losing its merit for outfits 10-999. It isn’t only clothes Target, you have a sneaky way of making things catapult off your shelves into my shopping cart. The last time I visited, I ended up with a gorgeous set of paisley note cards. While precious, I don’t really hand write anything, so I am not sure why you thought I needed them. I also ended up with a whimsical set of Valentines dishes. While adorable, I think we both can agree that the day doesn’t really warrant its own set of toddler dishes now, does it?

I am sure you are well aware of the economic crisis we are in. I can envision the strategic planning that has been taking place around your board room tables as you plan to weather this economic storm like the rest of us. My family has been overwhelming blessed thus far to have avoided situations like “layoffs” and “downsizing” that are effecting so many of our dear friends and family. Seriously, Target, get real, we are in Michigan, the ARMPIT of the USA right now. While we have been fortunate, (outside of that tiny little cloud of doom called our 401K’s) I’ve realized that shouldn’t prevent us from being proactive and tightening our purse strings a little. Yes, I know, the PURSE that you so graciously provided. You are making this difficult, aren’t you?

I bide you farewell Target. While I cannot say our paths will never cross, it will be with far less frequency. Please don’t call, don’t write, and don’t mock my husband when I make him visit you instead of me.

Love,
Lyndsay

19 comments:

Its Me(SARA) Behind the Camera said...

Very Cute and OH SO TRUE! :)

Call Me Cate said...

Aww, Lyndsay, what a sad day. I've had to set a lot of boundaries with Target myself. Our relationship has definitely become more casual and we see each other much less frequently now.

C. Beth said...

Oh, Lyndsay, it's so hard to end relationships like this. Even partners that have been so fun can be so unhealthy. I wanted to commend your courage in making such a tough life choice. Be sure to give yourself time to grieve what is indeed a true loss. I'll be here for you when you need me, when you're having trouble sleeping because you're crying into your pillow. I'm here for you, 24/7. As long it's between the hours of 8 a.m. and 10 p.m.

Liz said...

You are a far stronger woman than I...

Jenners said...

Oh Lordy! This is soooo true! Our day of doom began when they opened a Target just five minutes from our easy ... making their evil pull that much stronger and increasing their hold on our purse strings by a factor of 10. I don't think I've ever escaped from them without buying at least 3 extra things and about $40 more than I needed. I've begun to wander the aisles muttering "You don't need that. No. Stop it. Put it down now. You'll get in trouble." No other store has this effect on me ... or my wallet. But I'm not ready to break up yet ... but perhaps the economy will do it for me. Good luck ... but I suspect resistance is futile!

Great genius post!

WPMomOf2 (jen) said...

Target is my usual "monday" run with the kids!

Bonnie Baker said...

I thought I was the only one.. thanks for the laugh! I REALLY needed it today!

DESJ and Company said...

I go to Target MAYBE once a month now. Completely changed my budget life.

dizzblnd said...

How sad that your Targasms have to end. I know how you feel though. I would go there to get one specific item.. spend $70 and STILL forget to get what I went in there for... damn Starbucks distracted me

Claire said...

I broke up with Target almost 2 years ago when we moved across town and far enough away from our only Target that it become nearly impossible to ever go there. I still miss it!

Ironically, today I was over on that side of town, without Laura and some time to kill. I went in and left after paying $108 for things like dog toys, dresses for Laura, adorable letter holders and Valentine's Day suckers. It was thrilling and pathetic all at once.

Alison said...

Alas, I also feel your pain and have already begun reducing my Target trips. They built a Target just down the street from my office at work and when I go to buy discounted tv dinners I have great difficulty not walking out with something else....

It is exactly as you described it. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone =)

Petunia said...

Oh geez...Target. What to say. If I don't leave all forms of plastic at home when I go there and force myself to only pay in cash, I am in SO much trouble. When I make myself do that, however, I leave feeling depressed that I had to leave so much goodness on the shelves. I recently applied to run the garden center at the Target near me. Ny sister laughed when she heard that and told me to have a long talk with myself about how to not leave my whole paycheck there! It would definately be a slippery slope. Maybe they could create a rule that would make me not allowed inside the actual store. But, then again, I'd get a lovely discount. The conversation with myself is not going well.

Lisa said...

yes, am relating fully
lisa xx

Jodi said...

LOL! So true, so true. I have seen this type of letter on other blogs, so you are not alone. I too have a love hate relationship with Target. It has been my partner for so many events, weddings, birthday parties, holidays, and more. I do love their $1 bin section. Always cute little things for Jenna and I don't feel so bad.

Crazy Mo said...

The Husband and I have the same problem. For us, our weakness is Walmart. We walk in intending to buy A and B and walk out with C through M. Sometimes Z!

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

Ha! I broke up with target too but I don't have the guts to write the letter and put it in black and white--I still love it so.

Cute post!
Melissa

Heather said...

Target's headquarters are about 5 miles down the street from where i live, and i have a few friends that work there. They would get a kick out of this! Let me know when you find a rebound store :)

Lyndsay said...

I am so glad I am in good company! What are they doing over at that place, I swear ... genius, sheer genius.

I can't take credit for the original idea. Months and months ago I saw a letter to Target on someone's blog and I made a "mental note" to remember that when the time came that I was finally read to break-up with Target. I wish I had bookmarked it for reference, but I didn't.

I survived Day One Target Free :)

Chicapicante said...

i loooooove target :)

the aisles. oh the shiny aisles...

im going to have to break up with them as well. they are just much too convenient and i'll be living at home forever if something doesnt give :(