Monday, January 12, 2009

Pants Victim of a Man-Laundry Accident

In the late hours of January 10th, a lovely pair of Ann Taylor pants was severely maimed during a laundry incident of great magnitude. Reporters were on the scene early to uncover the details of this shocking and catastrophic incident. Upon arriving to the household, two individuals were interviewed. Both were present as the horrifying laundry events unfolded, and they shared the harrowing details of the night.

“They were just such an important part of our family. They’ve only lived in our household for two short weeks. It isn’t very often that you adopt the quintessential pair of paints. They had an ideal fit, gorgeous material and undeniable style. We just spent last Friday together, the only time they were ever worn” declared Lyndsay, pants-owner, between heart-wrenching sobs and fits of belligerence.

In a true victory for men everywhere, Craig, the alleged suspect, said, “I sorted the darks from the lights. I only washed the darks this time.” Upon further probing, the reporter heard Craig mumble “I didn’t realize that I needed to check the tags. I don’t own clothes that say dry-clean only. If she didn’t want them washed, why were they laying near the dirty laundry? Why does she keep yelling that DRY CLEANING ONLY is NOT subjective?”

Shortly after the pants were pronounced in stable condition, they were immediately transferred to the local Thrift Shop for recovery. “It’s going to take a really special person to take these pants into their home. There are not many women out there less than 4’11” tall who would be willing to accept such responsibility” one onlooker said.



Officials are urging the medical community to intensify their efforts on research between the Y chromosome and the inability to successfully complete a load of laundry. “If research cannot support this claim, there is just no saying what Craig’s fate is going to be” stated the first officer on the scene. “It’s getting ugly here and this discovery would be his only saving grace at this point.” That research just might not come soon enough. Authorities have opened up a special investigation to see if this was a brilliant case of intentionally ruining a sacred piece of clothing under the guise of helping out. It is suspected that it was an attempt to permanently relieve the suspect of laundry duty for eternity.

“I hope for his sake that the assumptions aren’t true” said the investigator while shaking his head.

30 comments:

Claire said...

Oh Lyndsay. I am so sorry for your loss, but so happy for my gain of the funny blog post to read!!

Can he wash them again and maybe make you some cute capris for the summer?

C. Beth said...

AAAARGH! I (heart) Ann Taylor, and still love some of my old AT real estate clothes. Poor Lyndsay. :(

I think you meant Y chromosome, BTW.

Janie said...

Girl! You are hilarious.

Requiem for A Pair of Ann Taylor Pants.

What's next?

Frankie and Bella said...

Ohhh, this is why I have drafted clear and easy to follow instructions for my other half. However, even that didn't work. So now the only instruction is, "Unless you wear it...don't wash it"!!!

seriously? said...

OMG...sad day for all involved. I, too, LOVE ATL and have the most perfect pair of ATL jeans. I think if my husband did anything to those jeans...I would be contacting a lawyer...PRONTO!!! Nothing compares to a nice fitting pair of pants.

A. said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! A perfect pair of pants is so hard to find!
My husband does all the laundry, unfortunately about as well as the person who ruined your pants. I fight a constant battle between my hate of doing laundry and my love for my clothes...
I'm sure they will go to a loving home.

Rachel Cotterill said...

I refuse to buy 'dry clean only' clothes so that I don't have to read the washing labels! I do have some which are hand-wash only but I hide those when I've worn them until I have time to wash them :)

Janah @ So Not Mom-a-licious said...

No way! I just had this argument this afternoon! i can write a manual on how to do the laundry and something always manages to get messed up! Sorry for your loss of a great pair of pants.

The Rambler said...

I'm rolling on the ground laughing (yet crying) on the tragic happenings of the pants.

Yes, I'm so sure you will make some 4'11 woman very happy. She better appreciate them!

The Rambler said...

I'm back.

I linky loved you today for my post...:)

Jodi said...

Oh my! I am LOL at the picture! That is too funny!

Comedy Goddess said...

Hands down this is hilarious! Enter it in some kind of contest. You need to win some money for this so you can go back to Ann Taylors.

Ann's Rants said...

The photo makes it!!!! They might look cute with an awesome pair of tall boots???

Call Me Cate said...

Oh no! I feel your pain. It's a horrible thing to experience and I hope the perpetrator can be caught and brought to justice.

Since the pants are so new, any chance you can find another pair?

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA. that is too funny. you could always hem them into capri's...

jana

E. Sloane Cannon said...

Oh sad..I hate when that happens. It's a tragic story :-(

DESJ and Company said...

I once put my husband's $300 SUIT in the washer. Yes, it was ruined.

In my defense, we were staying at my sister in law's house and my son was sick in the hospital and it was in the laundry bag. But still. I ruined that sucker.

Crazy Mo said...

If it helps, I'm sure all the bloggers will help you hide the body.

Annje said...

I am sorry for your loss. My guess is it is an attempt to be relieved from laundry duty for eternity. I think that is why the Y chromosome has an inability to do almost anything domestic without consulting a double X every time.

Petunia said...

I think the punishment should fit the crime. He is so ordered to do the laundry until he gets it RIGHT! All artcles of clothing mamed during said punishment are to be immediately replaced. I bet he learns -real- quick! You are too funny!

Jeanne said...

My verification word is "brand"! That means you should proceed immediately to the closest Ann Taylor store (or online mart) and replace those pants with one of the same brand.

I once sorted the laundry out into piles and gave Bill specific instructions what to do, which he carefully followed. Except for the extra added benny of adding his black terry cloth robe to the load of lights, which then inherited a gray film.

Like you, I suspect malicious obedience.

Jenners said...

This was such a great post! You have great talent! And I think this was a bid to be removed from laundry duty FOREVER!

dizzblnd said...

~~~bows head in a moment of silence~~~

I used to think dry cleaning only was just a suggestion too.. the "only" part should have given me a clue. Now I only buy things that can be washed.

I am truly sorry for your loss. Are there memorial services planned?

Bonnie Baker said...

The horror of it all! I lost my favorite pair of beautiful Banana Republic lined dress pants the same way, not to mention the $120 black BR sweater that my 8 year old now wears. I swear, she does. And it pisses me off every time I see it.

Belle said...

I clearly am not as organised as my sisters across the pond! My spouse does not even know where our laundry room is, let alone how to sort the washing!

Schafner said...

Dude! This is the story I´ve been waiting for!

I´m officially printing this out and posting it in the laundry room for my wife. She can know that it ISN'T just me!

All men should rejoice -- our laundy duties are officialy OVER with! (Special thanks to your husband.)

addhumorandfaith said...

I love this story, Lyndsay and the original way you've told it. Very creative.

Amy said...

After Matt washed 3 of my sweaters with TOWELS I purchased a BLUE laundry basket (every other laundry basket in our house is white)-Matt knows not to touch a single thing in that basket. This way he can't get out of laundry duty claiming stupidity of how to correctly sort clothes and read labels.

WPMomOf2 (jen) said...

Oh no--were they dry clean only!>!

supah ~d said...

that is funny...lmao.. that's one of those wordless wednesday thingis if i ever saw o ne..

cute blog
d