When all else fails

My name is Lyndsay and I am an anti-exercise-aholic. Even thinking about exercise makes my stomach churn and my feet cement themselves to the ground in protest. I’ve tried very unsuccessfully to engage in some degree of physical activity numerous times over the past few years. I just don’t think I have it in my genetic make-up. In fact, there are few things I find less enjoyable than exercise. I swear my body hates exercise too. Historically, when I have made an attempt to exercise, it rebukes by failing to yield ANY results and taunts me with hallucinations of other ways I could be spending that time. One time last year, my body laughed at me and gained weight when I tried to exercise. Uninformed people try to say that is because your body is gaining muscle. I know better, it is my body telling me hard work, sweat, and sore muscles won’t be tolerated.

This year, I’ve tried to look at exercise in a different way. Yes, I tried. However, it still sucks. It is still work. It is still about as much fun as a lobotomy. However, there is something about creeping towards 30 that makes your metabolism rebel. I think mine naps most of the time, waking up to half-heartedly engage in work a few measly hours of the day. Then there is the whole conundrum of the post pregnancy stomach. The last three years of threatening it, ignoring it, and hoping wishful thinking would abolish it have not been fruitful. That mind over matter crap doesn’t deserve the hype it gets. The trifecta of this dilemma came in the form of an angry right hip. Yes, at 29 I have a hip problem. I am not sure what I did to make it so uncooperative. I am expecting the Red Hat Society invitation in the mail any day. So, here I sit out of shape, with a beer belly stomach, and a wobbly right hip, finding myself in the middle of a Onethird Life Crisis.

So, I did what any insane, self-punishing, irrational person who hates exercise would do. I hired a personal trainer. I committed to an eight-week program. I paid for all eight-weeks in advance. For those of you wondering if I’ve lost my mind, I think we can enter this decision into evidence as Exhibit A (or possibly Z if any of you are keeping track). Do you think they have a non-exercise related program? I'm going to try to enroll in that one.

I am thinking my typical axiom of needing to live up to other people’s expectations will return the benefit to me with this approach. What do you think?