I'm Baaaaaaack!

I’ve spent the past couple of months pretending nothing was wrong with me, which is exactly why I’ve been a negligent blogger. When you are diligently attempting to ignore the proverbial elephant in the room and what is bothering you, it is most assuredly the only thing you can ever think of. So, when you try to write about something other than what’s on your mind, you find out that the only thing that is on your mind is what is on your mind and you end up totally screwed. Now that I’ve come clean with all of you, I actually feel much better. Which coincidentally means writing is all of a sudden possible again. Your Google Reader should be afraid. VERY.VERY.AFRAID.

So, for the quick health update: The blood pressure meds appear to sort of be working. They are bringing my systolic (top) blood pressure down, but it hasn’t done much to the diastolic number (bottom). I venture to guess we’ve complicated the situation because it is now around 112/92, which is anything but normal. In fact, Google doesn’t even provide me answers on that one. The naturopathic educator at work analyzed my eyes today and told me I wasn’t going to stroke out. Since allopathic medicine hasn’t done shit for me, I’m taking total comfort in her assessment. Oh and for those of you offering kidney’s, I’m suddenly feeling a considerable amount of love towards anyone with A+ blood types.

Now, on to serious business; I need a Halloween costume. Correct that, I need two Halloween costume ideas, one for me and one for Craig. We have committed to attending a huge Halloween party, of which costumes will be required. It took every last brain cell I had to come up with Kate’s BUTTERFLY costume, so I am spent. Butterfly, can you handle my overwhelming genius? A butterfly. I can’t believe no one has ever thought of that before.

Current ideas:
I Dream of Jeannie and the astronaut man
A flapper girl and gangster guy
Angela and Dwight from The Office (I so LOVE this idea, but let’s admit, it isn’t much of a costume)

I need your ideas. If you have a vote, please let me know. If you have a better idea, I’ll totally send you my piss-poor excuse for a kidney. Fair trade?

I can't think of a title that doesn't contain explicatives regarding this topic

Since December, I have been somewhat of a medical mystery. I spent months and months battling inexplicable medical problems, while being referred from specialist to specialist. I’ve become acquainted with so many “ologists” that I should be eligible for some honorary doctorate degree. The referrals, appointments, and tests became so frequent that I am sure people at work must have thought I was sneaking out for a gin and tonic, or an afternoon nap, because most assuredly having that many appointments to attend to was simply not possible.

The news started coming in this form: “Well, the good news is it isn’t your bladder. And I guess the bad news it isn’t your bladder.” “Well, the good news is it isn’t your stomach.” I think you are getting my point here. And if you let your imagination wander, you’ll realize that the tests necessary to affirm such news are far from a leisurely walk in the park. Come July, I decided I was done. OVER IT. NO MORE. Although answers were illusive, it appeared that nothing remarkable was wrong with me. Plus, dealing with the pain and problems suddenly didn't seem quite as torturous as what they were putting me through.

You may remember in August I also ended up with a fluke visit to the emergency room, where my blood pressure was suddenly elevated. And ever since then, it has been a royal pain in my ass. Two weeks ago, I went in to see my family doctor for a flu shot. When the nurse took my blood pressure, it was 155/101. They no like that. Heads started spinning, charts started flipping, lab order sheets were flying, and plans were being made for MORE TESTS! I sat there, quietly blinking, contemplating how incongruent this was with my plan for all of this to be done. However, my blood pressure had different plans and was the ostentatious one dancing on the tables, while screaming, “Look at me! Look at me!”

Casually, my Doctor said, “Lyndsay, are you under a lot of stress?”

“Um, no Doctor. Let’s see, I haven’t been able to stay out of the Doctors office for the past 10 months and I come here to get my preventative FLU SHOT and I now have more health problems than when I came in!”

Not only am I very low risk for hypertension based on my age, lifestyle, and family history, there is incredible concern because apparently one doesn’t go from fine blood pressure to problems overnight. Yes, one more piece of proof that I don’t follow directions well; hypertension is supposed to be a gradual process. I left that appointment with orders for an EKG (results fine!), echocardiogram (results fine!), and a 24-hour blood pressure monitor (results not so fine!). Last week I got to donate vial upon vial of blood for testing, and started my blood pressure medication . So far, it isn’t working, which is perhaps not as funny.

I spent months laughing about how outrageous all of this has been, but it’s bordering on being not so funny anymore.

It appears that something really is wrong with me and I’m sick of it. And I get to wait ten more days to see if this last round of tests has provided any answers. All I have to say is that if I end up needing a kidney, don’t think I’m not going to come looking here.