Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Five Bits and Pieces

Many moons ago (translation: six months), when I started this blog, Jeanne was one of my first faithful readers. She claims that she was drawn to my blog because of its title, but I prefer to believe it was strictly due to my magnetic personality. Regardless, she stuck around, which might mean she is of questionable character. Sorry about that Jeanne. In turn, I’ve spent a significant amount of time reading Jeanne’s blog. She’s a damn good writer. Seriously. On top of that, she’s smart, she’s funny, and she likes to have a good time. I think we might be long lost relatives. I’ve officially adopted Jeanne as my second mother; I’m hoping she won’t even notice the newly sprouted branch on the family tree. Without further ado, I give you my first guest post ever … from Jeanne at the Raisin Chronicles.

Confession: I was initially attracted to “I Used to Be Witty” because of the title.

Does that sound shallow?

Over time, as I came to know Lyndsay through her terrific blog, I realized that our affinity runs much deeper. She doesn’t do crafts. She’s uncoordinated. And a scosh anal.

This is a woman after my own heart.

So when she sent out an SOS after struggling with a sick toddler for the past week, I was more than happy to help out with a guest post. Whether you’re brand new to this blog, or a long-time fan, there are a few things it may be useful to know about Lyndsay.

1) She is a goddess in the kitchen.

I turn my back to check the oven and return to finish mixing the batter. Can’t find the fork. Where is the damn fork? Kate points to the bottom of the batter. I mean, why wouldn’t you bury the fork in the bottom of the bowl? Mom looks like she needs tested, right? While retrieving the vanishing fork, Kate picks up a mangled, half-eaten, infested banana…and throws it into the bowl.

I inform Kate that we aren’t cooking these putrid muffins. She rebukes with shrieks that knock the earth just slightly out of orbit, so I oblige *shudder*.

2) She’s frugal.

Craig brought the Corian samples home from work and told me to pick out what I liked. He said that the Corian would be about $150 a sheet and we would only need one. I wanted something that tied into our gray and white theme, yet offered a little color. I am daring like that. After excruciating debate, I picked the PERFECT color and we special ordered it. Three weeks later, the bill came for the Corian and it was $595!!!

3) She tucks money away for Kate’s future at every opportunity.

After we had THE CONVERSATION about how we do not watch Sponge Bob, the babysitter actually had to place Kate in the other room to calm down so she could get Sponge Bob off of the TV. Whoops. When did she start listening so well? We will need to put some extra in the therapy fund to cover this one.

4) She likes an occasional cup of Starbucks coffee.

…the other day I pulled up and the Voice Within the Speaker said, "Grande Non-Fat Vanilla Latte?" People this is NOT GOOD. I am on a most wanted poster at Starbucks, complete with drink of choice.

5) She adores Trick-or-Treat.

The highlight of our night came when we got to one of the last few houses in the subdivision. The lady was handing out jawbreakers the size…of tennis balls. I’m serious. You could forgive someone without kids, who might not realize what a bad idea a crater sized jawbreaker would be to a toddler. However, this lady is the mother of SEVEN children. There is no excuse. So, then I started thinking of the whole ideology that with the first kid you sterilize their pacifier, with the second you wash it under tap water, and with the third you don’t even wipe it off. Apparently by the time you get to #7, there is nothing sacred.

So, now that you know her a little better, I hope you’ll come back when the lady of the house can entertain you herself.

Jeanne thanks for taking the time to work on a guest post for me. I’m now wondering when I developed such an addition to caps lock … note to self: work on finding more appropriate ways to get your point across. Only Jeanne would be creative enough to grab splices of my blog and piece them together to tell you about me. Is it scary I forgot that I wrote most of them? Now I'll move on to deciding which of the above revelations is most frightening.


Jeanne said...

Thanks for the chance to guest post. And I'm loving having a new adopted granddaughter!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Love this post!

Anonymous said...

Great guest post.

And I'm glad to find somebody who shares my problem toddler inspired receipes.

Claire said...

What a great idea for a post. Jeanne did a wonderful job of capturing the spirit of your blog! Love it!

CDB said...

Great guest post, I enjoyed reading it AND learning more about how you used to be witty.. everyone wins!

And, ahem.. I thought I was adopting Jeanne as my 2nd Mom. Maybe she can have multiples.

Belle said...

Jeanne never lets us down.

Call Me Cate said...

But tell us the truth, Lyndsay. In forgetting you had written these, did you find yourself funny?

Because I found the whole post hilarious. Jeanne did an excellent job!

Chef E said...

Yes, I think you should have to say 'Witty Writing' seven times, because I found it humorous!

buffalodick said...

I'm a guy, and still lost on all this... but it seemed all had fun!

lizspin said...

Great job choosing a GUEST POSTER . . .AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH ALL CAPS????

LadyFi said...

Very funny post! Love it...

Frogs in my formula said...

Can I borrow the word scosh? I think it's my new favorite word, and not just because it rhymes with scotch.