Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Stop the Madness

A few interesting occurrences have happened at our house over the course of this week. These serious situations have wreaked havoc on my conscious, leaving me floundering and feeling like an imposter in my own body. A few rungs on my socioeconomic status ladder have broken, catapulting me down to unfamiliar territory. These are some lofty disclosures that should not be used against me in a court of law. However, if they cause you to question my character, I completely understand.

The first incident occurred while grocery shopping on Sunday. Kate had been banished to the car with her father, after the show she put on, titled I BET YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A KID MISBEHAVE THIS BADLY IN PUBLIC, subtitled And my parents thought they were the ones running the show around here. Amazingly, after her exile, the shopping trip was pleasant. In fact, I deliberately walked at a slower pace, debated my purchases, and leisurely admired the produce. It is rather pathetic that this uninterrupted shopping trip felt like a luxury, but it did. Besides, they were in the car and I was in the store and I was in no rush to alter that peaceful (for me) arrangement. As I was wandering the wine aisle, I remembered my bloggy friend Cate’s disclosure that not only did she drink wine from a box, but she actually enjoyed it. I looked at the shelves of boxes, utterly confused, feeling like a stranger in a foreign land who doesn’t speak the language. I realized that this is exactly how a man must feel when he is sent to buy tampons for his wife. Ultimately, I just chose one and added it to my cart. Later that night I tried it and realized it wasn’t all that bad. That explains how I’ve evolved into being a woman who drinks wine from a box. Which is only one step ahead of a woman who drinks Boones Farm, right?

I hadn’t even had time to recover from the first character-questioning incident when the second incident occurred. If you can’t appreciate bathroom humor, then you might as well exit stage left right now. As I was saying, Kate went into the bathroom to use the potty and proudly declared that she had to poop. I sat her on the toilet and waited. She looked up at me and proudly exclaimed, “I am going to STINK UP this bathroom!” Often I wonder whose kid Kate really is as she says and does things that are so different than me. But at this specific moment, I stood dumbstruck and thought OH MY GOD – you’ve turned into your father.

So come on over, the boxed wine is great and my daughter will entertain you with proud assertions from the bathroom. Any class we had has been bottled up and thrown in the trash, or flushed down the toilet. Next thing you know, I’ll be shopping regularly at the Walmarts, storing inoperable vehicles on blocks in my front yard, and trying to rationalize that even though my uncle married my cousin, but its okay you know because they don’t plan on having any of dem dere chitlens.

10 comments:

Snarky A. said...

Cate has made all of us brave in the wine section of the supermarket. I've been happily surprised quite a few times!

Claire said...

I remember the time we were at a dinner party, and Laura was the only child in attendance. She was new to the potty training world, and surprised me by quietly informing me that she had to poop. I whisked her off to the bathroom, everything was taken care of, and we returned to the dining room where she announced to everyone that "I just pooped on the potty like a big girl!"

Good times. We haven't gone the wine in the box route yet, but I'm embarrassed to say I can be found on occasion at Walmart. My excuse is that there is no other grocery store nearby, which is true. My younger self is completely appalled though.

Ann's Rants said...

Great new profile photos! Very sophisticated.

I know wine in a box is availible in better quality wines than in years past.

Last summer I kept being disappointed by white wine, and found vodka tonics much more economical.

Former Fat Chick said...

I gave up on wine sometime ago... I now have no qualms drink hard liquor (vodka/tonics) with everything...that's what teenagers will fo to you...you need the STRONG stuff!

Crazy Mo said...

You go, Kate! Make your daddy proud!!

Call Me Cate said...

I would not lead you astray, Lyndsay. And I will keep you from shopping at Walmart. We classy ones only do that on vacation when there are absolutely no other options. Or if nothing else is open at 3am and you need a mouse trap RIGHT NOW!!!!

As for Kate... That I can't help with. Daddy's girl for sure!

Also, what wine did you purchase? You must share details! (I've had Pinot Evil and Turning Leaf Pinot in a box).

Jenners said...

You know, we shop at Wal-Mart but always say "We're not really Wal-Mart people." (I guess we are just cheap.)

Lisa said...

gorgeous
kids will kick the class out of any of us xx

Jeanne said...

I try to stay away from Wal-Mart, not because I'm classy (I'm Appalachian, a heritage that allows for no pretension) but because I think their supply chain policies are part of the economic problem in this country.

C. Beth said...

Awesome! We found some boxed wine we really liked a lot recently, Black Box Cabernet. Then I decided to branch out and got some Fish Eye Shiraz. Don't ask me why I thought that buying a wine with the brand name Fish Eye was a good idea. I mean, I'd SEEN bottles of it; maybe it would be good? It's icky and I'm going to take it back and hope they give me my $17.89 back. I should have stuck with the Black Box.