Friday, November 14, 2008

At least the drugs are legal

How many pharmacies must you go to find one that carries Valium in the appropriate dose for a child? Six. There is no punch line, no joke, it is just a glimpse into how we spent our Friday night.

This week has been an awful week. I have bad luck that defies all bad luck. No seriously, like I think it defies statistical odds. For illustrative purposes, let me give Kate’s birth as an example. The odds that a full-term baby is breech 1:25 (check). The percentage of c-sections requiring the use of general anesthetics (meaning 8% (check). The percentage of epidural injections resulting in a lumbar puncture/spinal headache 1% (check). The likelihood of all three happening to the same patient? Literally unheard of. Let’s just say, we don’t waste our money on lottery tickets around this place. But, I digress.

A quick recap of the night:

Daycare calls, kid is complaining that neck hurts.

Neck still hurts when kid is picked up at daycare.

Kid's left shoulder slouching much lower than the right one.

Kid's neck gets stiff.

Kid won’t turn her neck to the left side, walking around like John McCain. Oh, that wasn’t funny, I should take that back.

Mom calls kid's pediatrician, who says go to the ER immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The Worse Case Scenarios Flash through mom's head.

Sit in ER for two hours with hungry, tired toddler who is oddly obsessed with the neighbors “scary hat”.

Find out she has torticollis, which basically is a big muscle spasm in her neck. It is likely triggered while sleeping and could go away on its own or require massive intervention and physical therapy. Well, we all know which category we will end up in, right?

Get prescription for Valium, which is supposedly a mild muscle relaxer. Guess whose kid is going to be sleeping better than your kid tonight?

Just kidding. I honestly can’t bring myself to give it to her when she’s acting okay. It’s a little freaky deaky if you ask me.


Kelly said...

Strangely enough, I'm one of those general anesthesia c-section women. Just the first one. I didn't know it was that rare. All I know is, I was really glad I didn't wait to find out the sex of the baby, because I wasn't really lucid until the next day or so!
I didn't know they gave Valium to kids. Where can I get some? *KIDDING* (kind of), really.

Bonnie Baker said...

I know what you mean about the lottery thing. Ever heard of a molar pregnancy? Nope, me either. Not until I had one. (Head over to my blog if you get curious) Chances of it happening: 1 in 1000 women. Chances of it being or becoming cancerous, 1 in 1000. So far I haven't hit those odds but I am seriously going to Vegas if I do.
Seriously, if the valium doesn't help (and what would valium NOT help?) But if it doesn't find a chiropractor that specializes in children. I take my kids for everything from earaches to constipation, minimally invasive, works wonders. We are so close with our chiro. , she helped me paint the kids bathroom- no joke.
Hope she is feeling better soon.

Lia Pearson said...

oh . my . god! what a nightmare! poor Kate!!! poor mama!!!

dear Universe, you really need to give Lyndsay an effing break okay? like NOW!

I'll be emailing you soon Lyndsay...


C. Beth said...

Oh, no! So sorry, Lyndsay and Kate.

Totally taking Valium on our next road trip. ;)

Jenners said...

I sure hope things turn out OK and your luck takes a turn for the better.

Kudos to you for turning a scary situation into a fun-to-read post. I felt kind of guilty for enjoying it.

Anonymous said...

wow. that kid never ceases to amaze me :)
have a good week! i know my mom's looking forward to having her tomorrow night!

Shan said...

I've had this happen to me (the neck thing) a couple of times. The last time was when my daughter was two months old. I couldn't take any meds because I was nursing, so I went to the chiropractor. I know a lot of people are freaked out by that option, but I find it to be very useful. We even had Madelyn adjusted twice in the first few months of her life because birth can also be hard on babies (no C-section for me, but a collapsed lung and pneumothorax - air pocket outside the lung - for her... those four days in the NICU were hard on all of us). Our chiro has children and she adjusts them... that's the sort of person I'd look for because they are not all the same.

Motherhood for the Weak said...

Oh my. Yes I too have that kind of luck.

As for poor Kate, regular use of hot packs will help. And look for a massage therapist who can gently unkink all the knots. Oddly enough, many times it's the muscles of the opposite side of the neck that are affected, not the side all hunched up.