How many pharmacies must you go to find one that carries Valium in the appropriate dose for a child? Six. There is no punch line, no joke, it is just a glimpse into how we spent our Friday night.
This week has been an awful week. I have bad luck that defies all bad luck. No seriously, like I think it defies statistical odds. For illustrative purposes, let me give Kate’s birth as an example. The odds that a full-term baby is breech 1:25 (check). The percentage of c-sections requiring the use of general anesthetics (meaning not.awake.at.all) 8% (check). The percentage of epidural injections resulting in a lumbar puncture/spinal headache 1% (check). The likelihood of all three happening to the same patient? Literally unheard of. Let’s just say, we don’t waste our money on lottery tickets around this place. But, I digress.
A quick recap of the night:
Daycare calls, kid is complaining that neck hurts.
Neck still hurts when kid is picked up at daycare.
Kid's left shoulder slouching much lower than the right one.
Kid's neck gets stiff.
Kid won’t turn her neck to the left side, walking around like John McCain. Oh, that wasn’t funny, I should take that back.
Mom calls kid's pediatrician, who says go to the ER immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
The Worse Case Scenarios Flash through mom's head.
Sit in ER for two hours with hungry, tired toddler who is oddly obsessed with the neighbors “scary hat”.
Find out she has torticollis, which basically is a big muscle spasm in her neck. It is likely triggered while sleeping and could go away on its own or require massive intervention and physical therapy. Well, we all know which category we will end up in, right?
Get prescription for Valium, which is supposedly a mild muscle relaxer. Guess whose kid is going to be sleeping better than your kid tonight?
Just kidding. I honestly can’t bring myself to give it to her when she’s acting okay. It’s a little freaky deaky if you ask me.